This blog is really a side note for my ED readers to yesterday’s Do the Hard Thing.
If you are still in the grips of an eating disorder, that blog may not be where you’re at. Probably isn’t!
Let’s get real. We bulimics and anorexics can use exercise as a purge. That’s not what I’m suggesting in that blog, but ED will tell you I am. ED’s a freaking liar, if you haven’t already figured that out. I know some of my readers are still very much fighting this disease. I’ve read your blogs and you’re on my heart daily. For you, dear one, the hard physical thing may be eating, eating and not purging in any form or fashion.
And, of course, eating will NOT quiet the self-talk of ED. That will for sure piss off the ED monster in your head and send it into a full-blown rage. I know. I hurt just thinking about it for you. I wrote a bit in Warriors don’t Escape about sitting with that monster, getting through those feelings, and feeling all those emotions….and how it didn’t kill me like ED was trying to!
One thing about doing hard things, however, that is very applicable to my in-the-trenches readers, doing the hard thing over and over and over again enables you to do more hard things. Then, the hard things get easier.
With each hard thing, you will be learning that the scale and the mirror are never going to tell you that you are worthy. You’re worthy all on your own. Find your pride in doing the hard work of recovery. Eat, live, be strong and capable. Doing the hard work is what flips that switch I often talk about. It flips the light on, and you, yes, you who thinks you are unworthy of nutrition, can be proud of yourself.
You have a body, not to attract sexual partners (not that that’s a bad thing), not to look a certain way in clothes (not that that’s a bad thing in and of itself), and certainly, not to feel shameful about. You have a body to do what you want to do. It’s your tool to live your full life. Your body can do push-ups if you so choose. Your body can ride horses. Your body can fold laundry….mine can’t, nope, nada, “that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.” But it can play sports and dig its toes into the sand and go visit friends, or whatever makes life full for you. It’s one piece of the three parts that comprise you. You are mind, soul, and body. They are connected. Do something destructive with your mind, and it hurts your body and soul. Do something good with your body, and it helps your mind and soul.
What is that thing that you enjoy that you can’t do when you are depleted of nutrition? That’s your why. You use that why to keep doing the hard thing again and again.