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Pieces of me

Inspiration for those who warrior on

I’m in a rut on my fitness journey. Plateauing is what they call it. I started so weak, the gains were very noticeable in the beginning. I went from completely sedentary to working out three times a week. I went from eating junk (I’m talking the carhops at Sonic would notice if I got a haircut) to following a meal plan. I went from barely having the energy to maintain my employment to having extra energy.

I’ve been on a year-long adrenaline high. Now, I work out six days a week, only because the gym is closed on Sundays. I’m getting stronger. That’s how I distinguish this journey from ED, by the way.

When I was living with ED, I wanted to be weak, small, and frail. Today, I want to be strong and energetic. It feels completely different.

I just winced when I wrote “I was living with ED.” That’s wrong. Dying with ED. Plagued by ED. Ruled by ED. Yes, ruled by it is a better phrase. ED was the master, and I was the puppet.

But fitness and healthy living are life giving. They have helped me climb out of the pit of depression that I was in.

I find it so interesting that this is the time when I was prompted to talk about my ED. How can I write about losing weight (actually, I’ve tried to never talk about it in those terms) and working out, while promoting ED recovery? On the other hand, it makes perfect sense. I’m so proud of my body right now. ED stripped me of that. It’s a shaming disorder. It wants its puppets to remain hidden. It is the means and the ends.

Fitness is the means to the end of living a fuller life. It’s just a piece of me, not my Ruler.

As I figure out my next move in my journey, I’m conscientious of that fact. I must practice what I’ve preach and call on my intention muscle. I examine my hurdles. I know my strengths. I admit my weaknesses. I chose my next step with intention and purpose.

That’s how recovery works. That’s how goal getting works. That’s how healthy living works.

“Nobody finishes well by accident.” -John C. Maxwell, Intentional Living: Choosing a Life that Matters

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